i can see him now...bah

this is the life story of the rube, as told be the fucking rube himself

beginning
the rube was born the day that man first came into manganese. nobody was aware of when it happened, he was just...there.
he began to go around possessing young children and making them shit toxic manganese on the ground, eradicating entire villages.
then one day the rubric decided he needed a group of warriors to help him secure his grip on the world. he left earth and headed for some random planet.

the recruitment of robantifast
the rubric arrived at a planet where the inhabitants had created a fighting style with......their cocks.
the rubric was very pleased with this, so he fashioned a cock for himself, made of......manganese
he then slaughtered all of the planet's inhabitants, except one man, named Robantifast.
Robantifast was skilled in cockfighting, and became the rube's first manganese warrior.
before the rube returned to earth, he made a feast of pone, and to his pleasure, it gathered together to form a pone monster, the rubric dubbed it FARLBUKE.
the rube then teleported himself and his two new followers back to earth. but as they arrived, he saw pieces of shit using his land to build castles, and they were listening to nickelback and creed.
the rubric then sliced all of their heads off with.......his cock, he then sent them all to hell, but could control them and bring them back any time he wanted.
now that the rubric had a massive force of warriors, he sent them to conquer the human race. they did this, because every time they died, they just resurrected from hell.
the rubric then erected the tower of the manganese dildo, and dubbed it his eternal stronghold.
the humans served him well, until one day......

deposition
the humans that were feeding farlbuke one day took immense pieces of his body, and created PONE RANGERS.
since the pone was made of 6000% pure manganese, they killed the manganese warriors, and they couldn't resurrect.
the rubric saw what was happening, and told his two main warriors, farlbuke and robantifast, to cover for him, as he retreated to make a plan.
they were both taken down and chained in hell also. the rubric saw this and took a massive shit, which made thunder and lightning appear worldwide.
the rubric then went and hid in a puddle of steaming hot manganese for at least several years. after a while, he devised a plan.
he then shoved his........cock into the earth and pried a dimensional distortion into hell, where he unchained his warriors.
the then returned to earth and caused massive kernel panics across the globe, and enslaved mankind once more.
then the rubric decided to take a nap. and he is dormant to this day. but will not remain that way for long.

the rubric is fucking back
the rubric recently woke up from his long slumber. this time, he has come to enslave mankind forever.
the rubric has inhabited the body of a young lad named Dips, and is currently recruiting new warriors.
one day, the rubric was walking in a local wal-mart and came across a strange creature called the Wood Shark.
the wood shark was biting peoples.........cocks off while walking in his camo boots. the rubric quickly challenged him.
it was a short battle, as the rubric impaled the shark with his...........cock.
the shark then went....Dammit?
the rubric then resurrected him from hell, and cloned him and his camo boots. now the rubric has an infinite
amount of wooden sharks ready to take on any motherfucker who will try to oppose his tyrannical reign upon the universe.

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